whosaysthat

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it's been a long day

a few things i need to get out.
i'm sorry i married you. why couldn't someone have taught me the word "volatile" earlier. why didn't someone tell me sooner that that was the kind of relationship i was in. why couldn't i see it myself. how did i let it go so far. i gave up. i settled. okay. so i know the truth. i didn't want to look for someone better. i didn't think i could get to know someone as deeply as i knew him. i didn't think anyone else would care about me when i was sad. i thought if it wasn't for him i would have just been alone. and i didn't want to be alone. how could i have thought that? i have to stop dwelling on it. the wasted time. the pain that love caused me. 'cause he couldn't love me right. deep down i knew it all along. but i wanted to be loved. i wanted to love. so i took it... i have to stop thinking this over and over and over. it's over. let the pain end too. i'm out. he can't still have that hold on me. it's over. no more pain. not from this.
and breathe.
okay, diaryland. i'm good.

6:54 p.m. - 2013-08-23

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