whosaysthat

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hello pointless rambling

It's hard to make it through a day when everything I see disgusts me. I hate our society, but I live in it quite comfortably. I hate how image obsessed we are, but I spend time in front of the mirror covering my face too. I hate television. I hate that everywhere I turn there's an advertisment in my face. I hate that no matter how advanced and "must-have" a product is, there's always one coming out the next month with an added bonus that you just can't live without. I hate that women on commercials for anti-wrinkle cream, complaining about their terribly aged skin, have no wrinkles at all.
I'm torn between caring too much and not caring at all.
I get depressed simply watching other people's lives. I was overcome by a wave of melancholy when a fire truck passed me on the street as it headed back to the station. I couldn't help it. I couldn't stop thinking about what they must be thinking. Feeling how I felt they'd feel. Blah blah blah.
I don't expect myself to make sense anymore. I can't express myself as well as I wish I could. I'm convinced that if I could figure it all out, define my life and poor it perfectly onto paper, everything would be okay. If I only knew where to begin, I could begin to fix myself. I'm fooling myself.
There's a million different points of view conflicting in my head. I don't remember what feeling certain is like anymore.

12:12 p.m. - 2005-01-03

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